Adventures on ridiculous mid-winter break

     

As a southerner, the idea of a mid-winter break in February for a week sounds ridiculous. Really, it is. I totally get that kids and parents need a break from school and agree. I just don't agree with a whole week! Luckily, I am a part-time WAHM right now and get to spend breaks with them. I do truly enjoy it, but it's exhausting and I need breaks!

     Today, my friend, L and I planned a fun adventure to Liberty Science Center in NJ. Quite the schlepp from Brooklyn. It's not far, but it would take three trains to get there. Together, we each had a backpack and four kids ranging from 5-9. I cannot even tell you how many snacks we packed and were consumed. Guess what, as L pointed out later in the day, we received NO dirty/disapproving looks on the trains. 

     The day was gorgeous and the kids played outside after our second train landed us in NJ. One reason L and I get along so well is that our kids were playing on parked citibikes for about 20 minutes and we were both good with it. They needed to PLAY. 

     We decided to hang out in the park area and eat lunch. Of course, someone had to pee. You can figure out where he went. We arrived at the Liberty Science Center and were pleasantly surprised at the lack of crowds! The kids were SUPER excited to try out controlling a robot and climbing in a super cool structure. We watched a movie and were the only ones in the theater. When was the last time that happened!?

     Dinner at Chipotle happened and the kids started getting feisty (RE: touchy with their siblings). It was time to go! I shut down the snack bar and L was tapped out of food.  

     It took all the way until the subway for us to get disapproved looks. Honestly, the children sat away from their siblings and were not screaming or touching others. They were very goofy including Max (8.5) saying to KK and M: Truth or dare? KK: I have awesome hair! Most of our fellow passengers laughed at KK trying to pole dance or M trying to hide in his shirt. The lady who scowled at us had an epic stare and dirty look. I could learn from her! Our kids were oblivious to her dirty looks, but L and I noticed. Thank goodness home was near. L and I called it a success.      

Solidarity

This is motherhood. Solidarity.

Solidarity

“If you can’t control your children, you should have less of them," he snarled at us on the M57 bus in Manhattan on the Upper East Side. The bus was making a wide turn onto East End Avenue as I stared at him incredulously. Never will I forget how this made me feel; about as small as this period. I cried. 

We were sitting in the back on a very crowded bus. My two active boys, then four and one, along with a good friend’s son, also four, were sitting on their knees. looking out of the window being curious. They were not screaming or thrashing about (that had happened before). They were being children in a crowded city. 

I gathered my courage beyond my tears and told him that it’s hard enough raising children in the city that I didn’t need him criticizing me. Proud to stand up to him, but still shaken by the incident, my tears kept flowing.

Living in Manhattan was never apart of my dream. My husband was in training and it led us to the city. I was determined to make the best of it; living in a two bedroom/one bath walk-up with four people and less than 600 square feet. 

"It’s an adventure,” I told myself. 

After three years in Manhattan and another year in California, his training is complete. Guess what, we are in Brooklyn now. Quieter than Manhattan, it’s still busy and judgmental. 

Now eight and four, the boys are watching my reactions to criticism of parenting in public. 

I’VE HAD ENOUGH. 

No “aha” moment happened except while traveling to Newark along with friends, a lady of a certain age (she definitely qualified for senior citizen benefits), doled out the nasty looks at Penn Station while our children were walking on the right side of a pathway. By the way, she was on the right walking in the opposite direction. I said, to no one in particular, “walk on the right, please.”

With 45 in office and the Me Too movement in full momentum, I ask that parents and care givers everywhere, not just in New York City, join the solidarity movement. Solidarity for supporting other parents safe choices. Solidarity for standing up to snarls, nasty glances, and judgement. If the child is safe, solidarity.

Instead of judging, think back to a time when you felt the way I did as a young mom on the bus, struggling. Ask if that parent wants help by saying, “Is there anything I can do?” or “How can I help you”? If a kid is throwing a tantrum, it’s ok. Maybe they are tired or hungry or sleepy or haven’t seen their dad in four days. 

Give the care giver the benefit of the doubt. It’s hard enough to parent today without the nastiness. Just by smiling at the parent of the tantruming child, you are saying to them, “You will be ok; this is not about you; SOLIDARITY”. 

2011 reflections

My cousin, Lauren, is great about keeping up her blog. My stepmom, Lynn, is also. I just forget about it. Since I'm pregnant with Max's sibling, I thought I would try again. I know I will have some long nights ahead of me, so I might as well blog away! I'm on FB, Google+, and now Pinterest. Lauren posted all about 2011 and I keep thinking about our year last year. Unfortunately, my post will not be as light-hearted as hers.

2011 started off with a ton of snow! I was teaching third grade and definite about not returning in the fall. Having a busy husband and no family around caused me to make this decision, along with the fact that I felt like I was doing nothing well. I wasn't a great mom or teacher or wife. So, I left the classroom in June and amazed I made it to the end of the school year. In February, my principal died of lung cancer. This was just the beginning of several cancer deaths for us last year. He was a wonderful man and was always positive and encouraging. Max enjoyed being in school, but I definitely missed him with my mind on all my children even when I was at home. We traveled to Tampa in February to visit family there. My Aunt Pennie was fighting another bout of breast cancer, but it seemed this battle would not end well. We met my mom and Issi there and had a great time visiting.

In May, Stephanie and I went to NYC for a girls weekend. We had a wonderful time until Saturday. Lou's mom had hernia surgery on Thursday and was found unconscious Saturday morning. It was decided that she should be transferred to Yale where she would be closer to us and Lou could monitor her. In the ambulance, she coded and never recovered brain function. I was incredibly sad for Lou. I was also sad for the relationship we never had. I know of friends who have wonderful relationships with their in-laws. We never had that. Lou took some time off of work and was by her side daily. It was a very trying emotional time. We moved her to New Haven in June where we could visit. Lou and I differed on end of life choices, which caused more stress in our lives.

In June, my friend, mentor, and boss died of breast cancer. Chris was in her mid-60s and led an amazing life. Max's bris was at her house. She was a straight-shooter and was incredibly giving and honest. I only hope I can be more like her. She's the founder of New Haven Reads. We had many talks while she was sick in the hospital and at her home. The last time I saw her, in early June, it was a rainy day and I had Max with me. I almost cancelled for no reason other than the fact that it was gross out. I'm so glad that I didn't. She was on oxygen, but we were still laughing and joking. I took off Max's shoes and out poured a ton of sand. I told her I was sorry and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "No big deal, we can vacuum!" In true Chris fashion, there was no funeral. They held a memorial service in September that was quite lovely. I think of her when I'm at New Haven Reads. I think of her when I need some light-hearted parenting advice. I think of her when a book falls off the shelf at NHR or a child is excited about getting a word right. She's always there.

The summer was uneventful after that. My grandmother turned 94 and is still rather funny. Max and I did our annual tour of TN. In September, Pennie took a turn for the worse and we knew she was not long for this life. She spent her final days in her home surrounded by her awesome sons and her siblings. Max and I went to Florida and saw Pennie unconscious and I was able to say goodbye. While I was very sad and emotional, it was so lovely to be able to say goodbye and have time with family. Max was fabulous at cheering us up. Pennie played such a profound part in my growing up. She lived less than a mile away from my childhood home for many years and I woud see her and her children daily or weekly. I know from my mom, her good friend (despite being my dad's sister), that she gave my mom parenting advice. When Max was born, Pennie and David came to his bris. Pennie stayed with us the night before his bris. Max woke up several times, I fed him a few times and Pennie just got up with him at 5:30 and let us sleep. She was just that way. So often something funny happens or Max says something witty and I want to call her. As my dad tells my grandmother, "I don't think she has a phone where she is..."

October brought our first big snow that was forecasted to fall while Max and I were in Vermont with Rachel and Tristan. We left early, but the snow started pouring in Massachusetts. It was pretty brutal driving. We made it to Hartford and stayed! I thought it was going to be an awful winter, but it's been rather pleasant thus far.

November was great with my mom and Issi coming for Thanksgiving. Jenna, my stepsister, came down for the day also. We had a great turkey, stuffing, and a few sides. It was really nice to just have family at home and not be traveling.

In December, we all went to NY to celebrate Katie's bat mitzvah. What a weekend! Keith and Ellen really did a marvelous job! We had a wonderful time and the food was amazing. The morning my mom and Issi were supposed to leave the phone rang. It was The Mary Wade Home, where Lou's mom lived. She had passed away in her sleep. It didn't seem real to me until I saw her in the casket. She looked like her old self. Great hair, painted nails and proud stance. That's the way I will remember her, not as the patient semi-conscious. Lou's niece, Ashely spoke at the funeral about "The Nana I knew". It was such a fitting tribute to her memory of her relationship with her nana. This is the way I want to remember all of those who I know who died--the __________ I knew.

At the end of 2011, Max had the stomach flu, then I got it. My friend said it was an end-of-the year cleanse. I know that 2012 will be a better year. 2011 was brutal. Our new baby is due July 1 and we find out where we're moving to in June 2013. So far, so good.

2nd birthday

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Today, March 13, 2011, we celebrated Max's second birthday at the Shoreline Trolley Museum. Thanks to my friend Kim V. (who also gave him the super cute yellow beach chair with his name on it!) for suggesting it! We had a wonderful time taking two trips up and down the tracks. We ate delicious cupcakes in ice cream cones, sang happy birthday, made a delightful mess, and visited with friends and family. Grammy, Popky, Uncle Carl, Aunt Crystal, and cousin Ashley all made the trip for the big day! Max's actual birthday is tomorrow 3-14! He'll be spending the day with Grammy! Thanks to everyone who helped us celebrate.

I got the ultimate compliment from my good friend Rachel today, "Can you please plan T's 3rd birthday party?" Ahh...it's the little things in life.

TWO MONTHS-no oops

From video

From January 2011- snow

Well, we've been rather busy the last 2 months. Mom and Issi came to visit for Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time (as always) and Issi made an amazing turkey. Max refused to eat it, though. Goof. December was a rough month in school, as the kids were anxiously awaiting Dec. break. Over winter break, cousins Anne and JD had a darling boy, Mose. He joins big sister, Tova (3) to their family in Philadelphia. Max and I went there for the bris. Max and Mose will have a unique cousin bond (me thinks) because they share the same hebrew name and are both named for Grandpa Abie! Mom and Issi returned with us to CT for a few days and we loved having them here for our anniversary! Lou surprised me and we went to an awesome French Rest. in Branford. Yum!

January was fine the first week back to school, then the students seem to have cabin fever. I'm a bit frustrated at this time with my class.

Max is doing great at his new "school" and we're very happy there. Over winter break, while we were in Philadelphia (where it also snowed), it snowed 11". Then, last week we got slammed with 29" of snow and we were out of school for TWO days (unheard of)! Max keeps saying, "snow, COLD!" Yes, Max, snow is cold. Sometimes he wants to walk in it and other times it's just, "up, up, up!"

He continues to add to his vocabulary. His walking has improved greatly and he now runs and kicks. Max continues to THROW things that he shouldn't and we're working on that. He's so fun to hang out with and continues to make funny faces. His latest look are his big eyes wide open with his hand over his mouth that's formed in an O.

I'm not apologizing for not posting. I'm busy. Teaching full-time, Mommying full-time, and running our household have me running around like a chicken with her head cut off. It's just too much. I am not superwoman. MERCY!!!! (remember that game?)

Until next time (next year?)

Fall fun

Here's photos from Max's professional photo shoots this fall. Molly of MEFphoto.com rocks!!!

It's been a busy few months in the Stein household. September was full of fun as I went back to the classroom full time. I'm teaching 3rd grade at an urban school in New Haven. I have a lively class with many challenges. I am happy to be back, but it's always a challenge finding a balance, which I'm not entirely sure is possible. I'm trying to work more at school and not bring home work at night, but this is not working out on the weekends so well.

Lou is on night float right now. It's awful. I feel awful for him. While I mostly always take Max to and fro through the day, it's especially hard for Max who doesn't understand why he's going days without seeing his daddy! At least I understand what's going on, although it doesn't make it any easier!

August travels

Max and I went to Chattanooga, Dandridge, and Lynchburg over the past few weeks. We arrived in Nashville and Erin and Spencer drove us to Chattanooga. Max slept for all of 5 minutes in the car and was a great traveler! He didn't go to sleep until 9 that night (usually he's in bed by 7:30). The next day we hung out at Erin's parent's house and swam. The boys had a great time together and really seemed to enjoy each other's company. Of course, Erin and I enjoyed hanging out also. While we were in Chattanooga we saw many friends and family. It was SUPER miserably hot and my little sweatbox had to be changed several times in a day usually (his clothes). We went to the zoo with Erin, Spencer, Dad, and Lynn. WOW! What a fun day!

Max hung out with his great-grandmothers as well. Mommy Anne just loves him and says he's a great baby. Mama came over and played with him on the floor! She's doing great!!! Max loved being the center of attention and was am amazing traveler.

Next we drove to Dandridge to see Stephanie and her family. We had a great time relaxing by the pool and eating! Larry took care of the four boys while Steph and I went to see a movie! So lovely! Max loved hanging out with the big boys! Rex (her 2 year old) and he got along very well and seemed to be friends! Thanks for hosting us!!! We had a blast!

After Dandridge, we drove to Lynchburg to see Laura and Jason. After getting a bit lost (ok, very! and my cell dying) we finally arrived at supper time. I was more frustrated than Max at that point! Laura and I had a wonderful time relaxing and watching Max play. He loved the baby pool at her house.

Now he's shaking his head up and down and asking for, "wa wa." I'm so glad he can communicate now! Lou picked us up at the airport yesterday and both Max and I had a hard time going to sleep back at home. Oh, but what a great sleep it was! This morning Max was evaluated since he's not walking. The speech therapist said he's well above 17 months in his verbal and cognitive skills, but he does have a significant gross motor delay (low muscle tone). So, that's why he's not walking yet. We're going to start some PT with him.

Thanks for all our wonderful visits, but we sure are glad to be back home with daddy (who's on vacation!!!).